Sunday, June 16, 2013

Like death warmed up

I hate having a cold.

I'm averaging ten sneezes per hour as of writing this, no shit. And my mucous drips out of my nose with the consistency of warm water. (Sorry for the mental image.) Here, have a graphic image instead.

On second thought, this looks like an ugly doodle of a crying Paul Frank

Anyway, my head and my face hurt from blowing my nose almost every five minutes. It's as if I'm perpetually producing mucous, like my entire body fluid is being automatically converted into this bacteria filled clear liquid. If a person could die from dehydration through this, I wouldn't be surprised if I suddenly drop on the floor dried and shriveled up like a raisin.

FYI: I hate raisins.

Also, I don't know about you, but having a cold makes me want to eat. It is as if I've developed an appetite similar to that of a hungry truck driver's, and I have to be constantly munching on food to feel better. And guess what, eating somehow calms my nose and even though I'm having a hard time tasting anything, the sneezing stops.

I don't know if it's stress eating or there's a scientific correlation between sinus relief and pigging out, but as it is, I need food 24/7.

Another annoying thing about having a cold, is the ensuing throat itchiness that follows. It's like having an annoying leprechaun tickling my throat for the sole purpose of annoying me. I know there are quick remedies for this, like gargling salt water or lozenges. But I'm too lazy to get my ass off my bed, or from the sofa, or wherever I've stationed myself to enjoy a good book.

Speaking of remedies, I also refuse to take any medication as I suffer through this ordeal. The reason for this is the fact that a study has been released claiming a certain ingredient found in cold medicines can cause brain hemorrhage. And I wouldn't want to subject my brain to any form of abuse considering I've probably fried up my brain cells from staying too long in front of a computer both at home and at work. Besides, I'm giving my anti-bodies a chance to prove how useful they are.

And natural is always good, right?

Oh, and if you're wondering about the title of this post, I took it from a line from the movie The Devil Wears Prada where Andy (Anne Hathaway) asked Emily (Emily Blunt) how her cold was doing, into which the latter, answered, "like death warmed up."

That's all for now.


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